Deserter's Guilt
by warriorgramma
Summary: After her vision in the Jedi Temple on Lothal, Ahsoka and Rex discuss the fate of Anakin Skywalker. Takes place right after 2.16 Shroud of Darkness. Mostly friendship, but some Rex/Ahsoka if you squint.
"Ahsoka? Are you sure you're okay?"

"Hmm?" Ahsoka had been staring out of the Ghost's window into the blackness of space, and despite her Force senses, barely heard Ezra approach her.

"You've barely said a word since we left Lothal." He looked concerned, and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder as he sat next to her.

Ahsoka smiled at his kind gesture. Ezra was much more compassionate than she had been at his age. "I'm okay. I just have a lot on my mind."

"It is about what you saw in the temple?" he asked. "You haven't told us yet what you experienced."

"I will tell you someday." Ahsoka cast her eyes down and she breathed a calming sigh. "But not today. There are answers I need to seek first."

"Well, whenever you're ready, I'll be here to listen," Ezra said before leaving Ahsoka to her thoughts.

Ahsoka closed her eyes, but the moment she did, flashes of her master - no, of Darth Vader, invaded her thoughts. Deep down, she knew who he was. From the moment she had reached out to the Sith lord when he was attacking their fleet, she knew it was Anakin Skywalker. Light Side or Dark Side, his Force signature was unforgettable. She was in denial that it was him, and it wasn't until her vision in the temple that she accepted the truth. But that wasn't what was tearing Ahsoka apart. She knew, if she would have been there, if she hadn't left the Jedi Order, she could have done something to help him. She could have saved him from this fate. She had failed her master.

She was in a dazed when she boarded the Liberator, waved absentmindedly to the crew she passed, and wandered not to her quarters, but to the mess hall. It was like her body's autopilot kicked in, knowing the Togruta would not be getting any sleep tonight. Soon enough, it was three in the morning and Ahsoka sat alone with a cold, untouched cup of tea in her hands.

"There you are!" Rex slipped through the door and gave her a wave as he approached. It wasn't uncommon to see the old clone wandering around the ship in the middle of the night either. Sometimes he had trouble sleeping too. "I was looking for you earlier, but you weren't in your room. How did your mission go? What did Kanan want?"

Ahsoka welcomed Rex's presence. She enjoy spending time with Kanan, Ezra, and the others, but something about them made her feel a strange sense of loneliness and detachment. Rex was a comforting memory from her past that helped to anchor her to the present. "We went to the Jedi Temple on Lothal to see if there was anything there that could help us with the Inquisitors."

"Did you find anything?" Rex sat down next to her.

"I did," Ahsoka answered slowly. "Rex," she looked him in the eyes. "When was the last time you saw Anakin?"

The old clone tensed up. "The same as you. On Mandalore before he rushed off to save the Chancellor."

"And you never heard from him after that?"

"No. I relinquished my command shortly after and they confiscated my comlink and cut the channels in my helmet. You were there, remember? We both tried contacting him and couldn't reach them. Then... you know."

Then the clones on Mandalore turned and tried to murder Ahsoka. With Rex's help she escaped, but soon found out that across the galaxy, the Jedi were being slaughtered. She had assumed her master was one of them, until now.

"Have you heard about this new Sith lord, who calls himself Darth Vader?" she asked.

Rex's knuckles whitened as he gripped his knee. He knew Ahsoka was going to figure it out sooner or later. Selfishly he had wished it would be long after he was dead. "I have."

"And you know who he was?" Her voice was shaking.

"I had my suspicions."

Ahsoka let out a loud sigh, and Rex wasn't sure if it was a sob or if she had been holding her breath. Rex reached out a hand to touch her, but she shuddered violently and he quickly removed it.

"Why didn't you tell me." Her voice was low and bitter. "What else have you been hiding from me?"

"There was nothing to tell," he answered weakly. "Why would I tell you something so horrible if I wasn't sure if it was true? I wanted to protect you from the tr-"

"PROTECT me?!" Ahsoka spat out. "I'm not a CHILD anymore Rex, stop treating me like one!"

"I know that," he retorted. "I never saw you as-"

"He was my master. How could you keep this from me?!"

"And he was MY general," Rex answered firmly. "For fifteen years, every day I woke up not knowing if the man I served under had become a monster that terrorized the entire galaxy and order my brothers to murder a temple full of innocent people. Every day, I wondered if I did the right thing by leaving the army. If I would have stayed, if I could have done something to stop him, or if I would have been forced to follow out the same orders." He tried to meet her eyes, but couldn't. "The look you gave me when you brought me back to the rebellion. I haven't seen a look that hopeful in your eyes since you were a padawan. I wanted to spare you that pain, at least as long as I could."

Ahsoka's shoulders shook with sobs, but no tears fell from her face. Rex reached out to her again, and this time she allowed him to pull her into an embrace.

"It's my fault, Rex," she whispered to him. "I knew he was falling to the Dark Side, but I left anyways. I could have helped him, I could have _saved_ him."

"No," Rex grasped her by the shoulders. "Ahsoka, if you stayed, you would have died with the rest of the Jedi. The Empire would have risen regardless, and there would have been no one to start this rebellion." His thumb grazed her cheek to wipe away the tears that had fallen. "I spent the last fifteen years dwelling on whether or not I could have changed what happened. Please don't spend the next fifteen years doing the same thing."

Ahsoka nodded in agreement and held Rex's hands in hers. "Thank you, Rex. You're the only thing from my past that hasn't changed."

"I've changed a lot actually," Rex commented. "So have you."

"We have," Ahsoka agreed.

"Whatever this rebellion throws at us, we'll tackle it together. I've always got your back."

"And I've got yours."

They rose to head back to the dormitories, and Rex stopped at the doors. "Do you think there's a chance to save him?"

"Anakin Skywalker is still in there somewhere," Ahsoka responded determinedly "I have hope."


End file.
